Number update

I am just a little sad about our new number, because it isn't new at all. It is the same old #10 that I was so excited to see last month. In 5 weeks and 2 days since our last update, we haven't moved an inch. This waiting is sooo hard, but when no progress is being made it seems a bit harder. I have been a little bit in denial about how long this was going to take. We had our hopes on having her home this year. The reality is that we will not receive a referral until after the courts have opened and then travel next year. Having to realize that it will be next year before I get to hold this little girl seems a little depressing at the moment.

And before you all try and make me feel better (because I know you will try!)...My brain knows that God's timing is perfect. I know that if I could somehow rush the process it would not be the little girl that God chose for us. I know these things with my brain. I just can't seem to get my heart to understand them today.

These are just raw emotions of news I just found out. To top it off I feel guilty for feeling this way. By wanting this to happen faster, I feel like I am also trying to rush whatever hard decisions or tragedy my little girl's family will have to face to put her up for adoption.

Yes, this is coming off my last post of "I am ok with the wait." I swear the hormones are raging.

UPDATE: After sitting with the reality for a few hours, I have decided to look at the wait as a gift instead of someone's mean joke!

1) I now know that 2009 will be a great year, because it will be the year we welcome our daughter into our family.

2) This gives me the opportunity to take a few credits in the fall to keep up my teacher certification. This will be much easier to do with only three to take care of instead of four (no, we are not adopting two children-yet-I have to take care of my dreamboat too though)

3) This will give me chance to get my feet wet homeschooling the Bean before I have two to distract when I am working with her!