So do you ever have those times in your life when something just clicks and you have this revelation that almost seems silly it is so simple, but for you it took a ridiculous amount of time to understand? Well this journey of adoption has pushed me toward two such revelations that only took me 33 years to wrap my brain around. Not too bad-huh?
My whole life I have tried to do everything on my own. I have been self-reliant, self-sufficient, and independent. I discussed with my small group this past week about what a hard time I have asking for help. I guess I feel weak if I can't do it on my own. I also feel like I would be putting people out by asking them for help. They pointed out to me that even God is not alone. There is the trinity-God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And then Jesus not only relied on God but also walked alongside those 12 men-you know the disciples? So if Jesus can rely on others to help him, why can't I? (LIGHTBULB #1)
I also believed (delusionally) that I was in control of situations and my life. Without getting too theological, I believe in free will and an ability to make choices that effect my life. Well, this adoption has taught me that try as I might I am not in control. (LIGHTBULB #2) I can not make things happen (unless of course it is God's plan for my life.)
I don't quite understand why it took me so long to wrap my brain around concepts that are seemingly simple, but I am thankful that God continues to use our adoption as a tool to strengthen me and a way to help me grow in my faith and understanding of Him.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
A Thomas Edison moment
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4 comments:
First off...Happy Birthday (a little late)!!
Love your post..I'm the EXACT same way when it comes to asking for help. I'm horrible at it!
~Dawn
I love how adoption shapes our character and our faith in so many untapped ways. I think when you are a competent person, and well-rounded, you sort of get used to not asking for help. So part of it is cultivating a new discipline. And too, I agree with you that free will is real, and that we are to work at all we do, as working for the Lord. and so I am prone to working hard--a non-complacent person . . . but what can we do in the 'waiting for referral' stage? What work is to be done? nada. it is so hard to be sitting around with nothing to do. and also, don't you think part of it is that you have an intense paperwork stage where there is LOTS to be done, to suddenly a stand still of W-A-I-T. ug. I feel for you.
THanks for sharing your enlightening moments. I am happy that God has brought you to this place. You are letting God use your circumstances for his Glory. that is exactly where he wants you to be. Relying on him.
Don't beat yourself up for it taking a while for the lightbulbs. It's a constant struggle because of sin nature. That's right, Amy - I know you are probably super woman to your kids :) but you are still human and we all deal with the same struggles trying to control our lives. So, I would like to suggest Lightbulb Moment #3 - Everyone deals with this struggle, you are not alone, and sadly enough it will be a struggle for the rest of your life so don't be too hard on yourself. Keep working on it - God loves us learning to rely on him!
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