Getting Real

I had read all the adoption books. I knew how to get my baby to bond with me. I was ready for her to hate me and want nothing to do with me. I was prepared for the worst and hoped for the best knowing my God would be standing right beside me the whole way. What I wasn't prepared for and what I had never dreamed possible was that I would have a hard time bonding with her.

My Lord knew I had been praying for this little girl for years. I was in love with her before I saw her face. The moment that cherub popped up on my screen I was in love, head over heals. I couldn't wait for everyone to get it all together so I could go over there and pick up that beautiful girl.

Well, once I had her in my arms I cried with joy. She was the one chosen for our family by the Creator. I had complete trust in Him. Then my inadequacies started showing through. My little one was sick...fever, vomiting, diarrhea. I knew something was definitely wrong, especially as she really wasn't eating. She was getting lethargic. The poor thing was stuck in the care of a new person, one who did not know how to comfort her. I felt like a first time mom. This was an almost 7 month old that I was just getting to know. I was away from my support system. I was scared and confused.

In steps God, in the form of my wonderful travel group. We had a doctor and a nurse with us that helped determine we needed to get Yordy some help before I left on an almost 30 hour trip home. I had fellow parents coming to pray for me and Yordy. I had my sister-in-law with me who talked me down from tears in the middle of the night, when I was up exhausted for the 10th time with vomit or diarrhea all over me.

Yordy's sickness forced her to bond with me. She got comfort and love from me right away, when she really needed it. I on the other hand started getting depressed. A depression that mainly came from guilt about not feeling the same for her as I did for my other two children. Guilt is not from God.

I just want to encourage anyone who is having a hard time with their little one. It may not be all rosy and perfect. It is ok for the love to grow. It is ok for it to not be there from the start. It is ok for you to not feel that "I would die for you" unconditional love you have for your other children just yet. It will come. God is faithful and good. The Lord has stepped in each and everyday to help us bond as a family and now Yordy loves mommy and mommy loves Yordy...with all her heart.

Thank you God for being present even when I couldn't see you. Thank you Lord for holding me each day and helping me to see that what I was feeling was ok. Thank you Lord for creating this great love for this child. You are a most great and loving God.

Don't fall off the chair just because I posted...and other milestones

Today is the day we have known Yordy longer than we have not. She came home the day before she turned 7 months and today she turned 14 months. Somedays I can not believe that 7 months has passed. It feels like she has been a part of our lives since her birth. She is very attached to all of us and we are all attached to the little one God placed on our hearts so long ago.

She is a joy and we can not be more pleased that God chose her to be a part of our family. Bug told me today that he loves having his baby sister and he doesn't want her to go back to Ethiopia. He is just 3. It again gave me the opportunity to talk of God and His special plan. How Yordy came to us as a gift, just like he and Bean did, just in a little different way.

We truly are blessed to have been given these three children to love, teach and raise to know and love our Lord and Savior. Our quiver is full.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalm127:3-5

Taken at the Union. Yordy was pretty sick with a high fever and a double ear infection.

Who is this kid who can't keep his hands off of me?

She is the most easy going child. Her brother and sister were a little more high maintenance.

Always ready to ham it up for you!

I think swimming may be in her future. She is fearless and always ready to dive in...even if the water is ice cold as it just come out of the well.

Playing with her big sister!

Turning one!

Thank you Lord for this beautiful arrow in our quiver!