Reflections

Some of you may remember this picture. I posted it exactly 24 weeks ago. (No I am not a huge Keifer Sutherland fan, but he is on the show 24 and it is a pretty important number in our adoption.) Tomorrow marks 24 weeks that we have been on the waiting list and our first number on the waiting list was...24.

During my quiet time tonight, I was reflecting on this journey of adoption. Journey is defined as a process or course likened to traveling. I can't think of a better way to describe adoption. It has been like a loooonnnngggg trip. At times, the weather has been beautiful and we are all singing with the windows rolled down and the wind blowing in our hair and at other times it has been like driving through a thunderstorm with screaming kids in the back seat. The thing is, that whether this trip has gone through a rough patch or an easy one God has been with us the ENTIRE way.

No matter how much I prepared for this trip, I could not foresee how difficult it was going to be. I shored myself up for a long time by not letting myself get too excited and by reminding myself how far we still had to go. That worked for about 4 1/2 months. But while I wouldn't let myself get excited, the adoption almost seemed unreal to me. I felt no real connection to it and I think I lost out a bit.

I prayed to God to help me feel connected and He made me realize I was the one hindering the connection. So I let myself feel. I slowly took down the wall around my heart that I had placed to protect myself from the wait. It felt good to have it down, because I found I had feelings for this little girl already. I have posted before how I knew I would never have problems loving or attaching to a child that was not born of me, but I truly never thought that that love would come before I met her.

There have been times since I started feeling this love that I wanted to put the wall back up because it hurt so much to love her and not even know her. But then I realized that this love was actually a gift. A gift that God had given me to help me prepare for our daughter.

God has been the gas on this journey, by constantly nurturing me along the way. My relationship with Him has only been strengthened. I have learned that no matter how much control I think I have over situations, I truly have none. God is the great author of this story, not me.

My prayer life has also been enriched. I felt God calling me to look beyond my adoption and focus on this AGCI community and the needs that everyone else has. I am a doer and I wanted to be able to go help someone with their garage sale or comfort Sharon and Karen during the hold-up, but distance prevented me from helping. But God has given us the gift of prayer. Maybe I could not go get poor Michelle's FDL (yes, I remember the sleeping in the snow pictures waiting for the mailman), but I could help pray it into her mailbox! To pray for dear little Abby, to pray for the families waiting to travel, to pray for each family wherever they are on their journey.

After the difficulties I had dealing with the last two weeks of waiting at #1, God has really given me peace. I am no less excited, but I am utterly aware and assured that His timing is perfect, that I focus on my situation while only God can see the whole picture, and that I love a little girl who lives on another continent that I have never met with all of my heart.

Lovey

My children have all had their own special blanket or animal that we helped them attach to for security. Bean's was more like a little blankie, but Bug's was more like a squished animal. I decided we better order a lovey for our little girl, because it is one of the things I want to send to her when the time comes (hopefully very soon!). We all love Bug's the best and so the family got around the computer the other night to look at all our options at the North American Bear Company . They have some really cute options and they are all safe for babies-no buttons here! After a long deliberation, we finally settled on the elephant. Pretty cute, huh!One of the best tips I can give any new moms is that if you get a security blanket or animal of some kind for your child-get AT LEAST TWO IDENTICAL ones. If you have two, one can be in the wash or one could get accidentally left at nana's house or one could get lost and you still have an identical one for the child so there is no trauma. Just make sure you rotate and wash them often, because even babies can tell the difference between a new one and their previously loved one.

Just to make you smile

I just don't understand my husband sometimes and creamer

It amazes me how God made men and women sooooo different. How I have handled the waiting for our daughter is completely different than how my husband has handled it. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I talk about it all the time. My husband is no less excited. He just doesn't show it like I do.

He is always curious about what I am posting on the blog. The other night he was looking at the pictures of Bug's tantrum and he saw the ticker on the side and asked about it. I told him that the 5 months, 1 week and 3 days was how long we have been on the waitlist. His brilliant words were, "Wow, that is a long time!" In my head I was thinking, "Now you know why I have been going a little crazy lately!"

P.S. Since this revelation of our time on the waitlist, he is getting a little antsy too!
P.P.S. Now it is 5 months, 1 week and 5 days...but who's counting : )

*********************************************************************

Look what I found at the store yesterday! I love this stuff, but I thought for sure it didn't come out until at least Novemeber last year. It isn't even October and the holiday creamers have hit the shelf. I don't usually indulge in creamer, but all reason goes out the window when peppermint is in the picture : )

The return of Almaz

I e-mailed Christy today to tell her I hate waiting (like she hasn't heard that one before.) I asked her if she could at least tell me not to expect to hear anything until Almaz gets back to Ethiopia. That funny woman told me that she could positively say that I wouldn't hear anything until Almaz gets back........because she gets back tomorrow (or today in Ethiopia.) I think they take lessons at AGCI on how to be evasive and not answer questions! : ) Well, for anyone who cares Almaz is returning!

Read the comment from Suzi for a further tidbit of information!

David's Prayer

David praised the LORD in the presence of the whole assembly, saying,
"Praise be to you, O LORD,
God of our father Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom;
you are exalted as head over all.

Wealth and honor come from you;
you are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all.

Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name.

"But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand."

1 Chronicles 29:10-14

This was a great reminder for me. I don't want to get to the point where I take anything for granted. It amazes me that I can fall so short and yet God still showers his blessings upon me. He gives me everything...from the breath I just took to my children to the paycheck I deposited last week. He gives freely. He gives without guarantee from me that I will be a good steward with what He has given me. There is no way I can thank God enough for my life. I am just a humble servant trying to honor God by living a life worthy of Him. May I try each day to bring glory to my creator.

I am not the only one unhappy

Bug is 2 1/2 and so he loves to test mommy and this is the tantrum he threw when he was put in a timeout. He was not too happy when mommy wanted to capture his tantrum on film!

(Weird picture with the dissolving hand!)

FYI about updates: When I talked to Christy last week, she said if I am still waiting, they will be sending out updated numbers via e-mail the first full week in October. Just thought some of you might want to know, so you aren't expecting them this week.